He loves me, he loves me not....

Here i sit, after taking kids to school and sending my husband off to work.......wondering?!?! What do i do, i have exhausted myself to make this family happy, i have even added a little bit of happiness to my life by excersizing, this doesn't seem to be helping. Things only are getting worse. I am nagging and bitching at the kids, I am arguing with my husband to the point that today he told me to get some more "pills". this hurts me, i hurt, i have been crying for the past two days and i can't even do that anymore. His actions are all there, but he knows how to act to cover his feelings, he is a smart man. I feel in my heart that he is not "into" US anymore. I am praying everyday that god help me deal with this so that our family can get back on track. I know you can't make people love you and its getting close to his track of timing that he gets bored. I want love. I want life. I want happiness but can't grasp any of it at this moment. I have been told to go to church a few times, but try and get told we are to busy by my husband. I try to respect his feelings and seem to be failing at that too. I feel like a failure but yet i feel like i am doing EVERYTHING i can as a mother and wife....kinda confused. money is a part of it, and i am always screaming that we didn't have these kids by ourselves so why are we doing it by ourselves, i can handle the emotional part of it if the money part of it wasn't so stressful. It seems like everytime i get ahead something comes up that takes me back financially. My husbands simple answer to this is i will ask my parents. well being a parent and a person with pride, i don't ever ask his parents unless its a HAVE to situation. I know we can do it. We have functioned pretty well for the past three years. This is however the first time I have worked a full time and a part time job, and i feel like we are slipping further and further away from our goals. HOW????? I really am so angry today I can't even blog, i think i am going to read my bible and ask god to show me the way. I just need some insight on our lives and i don't know who to talk to anymore. plz god fix my situation so i can better this family and feel loved. I feel like a walking time bomb and that isn't helping anything. I am making a decision to go off all my medicane and going to do it to see if maybe some of the side effects are interacting with the way my life is going. help help help.....................................i love him more than life and i love these kids more than that. i just guess i don't know what to do anymore. i need guidance. but most important i need my husband to love me again. stress is a horrible thing and how do you get rid of it. how do i make everyone happy when i am pretty happy with myself. it is usually always like this in my life, when i do something for me the whole house falls apart in front of my face. i am at the give up point and i don't know what to do. i promised before god that i would be with this man forever and i have alot of things that say I will, but what am i doing to make him so unhappy. what do i do to change it, what do i do to be less stressed, what do i do to make my family whole again??????