Prime example of how i feel right now. I haven't blogged in awhile because really haven't had time to think let alone write it down. Why today??? I decided i shouldn't be talking today because anything that comes out of my mouth isn't going to be nice. I am literally fed up with alot of shit and don't know how to address the amount of issues I have on my plate. I know I am blessed to have what I do have and I thank god for that almost everyday. Its just days like this that I should probably keep my mouth shut!!!! So venting........ I have held this family down to the best of my ability since I entered into it. I have been blessed to have enough business until now to get us through with my husbands income/unemployment, because of the economy my business slowed down so what do I do, go and get a few more side jobs and another part time job. This is fine with me, other than I have NO control over what is going on at home. I usually get 10 or so phone calls a day asking what to do or screaming he/she isn't listening to me, etc etc.... This i figure is normal since the kids are not used to dad being at home instead of mom. I totally had alot of faith in my husband to be able to do this because he is so good with the kids when they need it. Guess my expectations got the best of me AGAIN. He is maintaining which is more than I could ask for at this moment, so this is life. My issues are getting harder to not have control of though. X isn't doing well in school at all, I have no time to address the school and my husband won't even make a call, besides this is his baby so what could he possably be doing that is that bad. HAHA!!!! just for example he told his dad he had a bad day today but "forgot" to tell him he put his hands on another student AGAIN. When i got home he was playing and khamille was begging for someone to play basketball with her and kaylee was in her room. Typical stuff, just to much to handle for one person who is just getting used to all this, I do really understand. What I don't understand is the shit that comes out of his mouth when he is angry and the way he handles all the kids inconsistantly. He is under the assumption that all the kids should have the same punishments. They are all totally differant ages and going thru totally differant stuff, this is one of the places I disagree, but have been dealing because something is better than nothing at all, and i have had that before too.
I have been having some issues with trying to get through to him that the car is not functioning right and I get, then go get it looked at.....lol......somewhere in my free time (haha) I did find time to have them tell me its a more serious problem and I can't afford to fix it right now. This is hard because my husband is court ordered eosunday to make a 300 mile trip to pick up "our" son from his birth vessal. I asked him to call the courts and in his version I got....." they said there is nothing i can do about it, if she misses a visit because of us, he goes to jail." My response was than maybe thats what should happen to get someones attention. He had a good point, that if this happens the birth vessal may retaliate and take X while he is in jail. True, so i just said fine drive the car and if it gets stuck in saginaw then we just deal with it. Life goes on. Funny though, he wouldn't even attempt to talk to her and try to negotiate something, he feels like its useless but always tells me he will, its just to get me to shut my mouth though (his words). O.k. so I gave him that issue and said I am not going to be the middle person anymore. Now on to the next..... (still venting).... while playing basketball with khamille something happened that my husband only seen some of it and we had three differant versions. Suprise!!! So i gently asked why wasn't anything done about the situation. His response .. "this is f-ing ridiculous." I said well if your not happy and this is stupid then you know what you have to do. His response, " then go get the papers." So because he is stressed and I am stressed his easy way out is a divorce???? A little dramatic if you ask me, until he then got back in the middle of the first issue and told khamille to get her fat a-- up and finsih playing. She proceeded to cry and flip out and well....the whole damn family was throwing temper tantrums. wow, not sure how or why, but pretty sure its the stress of him having NO control over his sons issues. I don't really have anyone to talk to about all this so I am venting. I am sick of my life being whatever makes everyone else happy. I disagree with alot but always try to talk it through with him. Wish he would be able to do the same, just going to realize that its not going to work out that way, he is a very unreasonable person to begin with and doesn't take change very well at all. What a mess!!!!! I didn't respond well to any of it nor do i even know how without saying something that may hurt someone.....so gonna keep it inside and pray. My main problem is I am having a hard time believing nothing can be done about alot of these situations when i got alot done last year, just had to do alot of communicating and appointments, both of which again my husband doesn't like to do. Lord please help my children deal with this change, and show my husband that communication (in pleasant words) is the key. My oldest daughter, whom is very spoiled and oppionated, but has been through alot and makes very sensable points and decisions said......"mom, i sometimes wish you were single and rich" then at least the simple things in life you could have and you wouldn't always be worrying about someone else's issues." I told her if i was rich i would probably give to the community and that I am married so single is out of the question. her response, "then i just wish you were happy." I am blessed in many more ways than I allow to see.....sometimes our blessings are in the SMALL STUFF!!!!!!!
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