Life

Well back to the grind. Going to get my baby boy tomorrow, Khamille is needing a break from the house, and kaylee is out doing what she does best....hanging out. My hubby is sleeping in on his day off, thats all usual stuff really. I am just sitting here knowing how blessed I am but wondering what god has in store for me. My hubby is getting baby fever, scary shit....he wants us to adopt a baby that will be part of "us". Pretty sure X is just that, really since we have had him since he was 1.5, but he wants to balance our family.....lol. My first thought, we need a bigger car. O.k. well its already Monday.......shows u how much time and thought I get to blog. We have our son safe back at home. Khamille is still needing something?? (can't quite put my hands on it). Kaylee is still doing what she does best. My hubby is back to work. Miss him alot but he loves his job and works hard at it. On the note of children, I would love to add another to the family but as I was stating before, our car doesn't hold our family of five now without lots of bickering and arguing, financially we are dumping alot of money into this house and its not ours, its just rent, and last but not least TIME!!!! Will I ever find enough time for another? Just questions and thoughts i guess, cuz all this won't happen quickly but just the thought of having another child is well..........."unidentified" at this time.
I am really upset today with life in general. I have made a few decisions in my past that were not to impressive, not even to me as I look back on them. Also they have became patterns of my children now so I am kinda getting it back in my face, I guess thats what you call KARMA. I definatly believe in god, so I know all about what comes around goes around, etc etc..... I got home today to do the first thing I do when I have a spair minute, which is go straight to my bedroom and read my mother in laws blog. One it makes me happy to know whats going on in her day, two it helps me realize that whats on my plate isn't as much as I am making it out to be, three to get input and suggestions on life, as she has many years dealing with all this stuff that I don't. I got to my computer today to find something aweful out. I read in it that her DIL, which is me stated something about something in a conversation that turned their situation into a mess. HAHA, not funny at all, actually just the opposite. I took a deep breath and called my hubby to start yelling at him. When he answered I simply told him I loved him and that I needed to make a phone call, i would call him back. Why yell at him about something that he has no control over. So i picked up the phone and called my mother in law. I explained to her that I had nothing to do with what was said, but that I did say at one point that I was upset at my husband for his decisions with his daughter and her situation. Alot of this went on before I was around so I don't have alot of control over it now, it makes no sense for me to jump into it so late in the game. This being something I just decided over the past month with all the interaction we have had with his family. I then called my husband and explained to him what happened but that my mother in law said she believed me. Which if the situation was played out before the blame was given all would have known that A: I was too busy making sure my sis in law was happy, B: I was sick sick and trying to feel better in between, and C: I was already plenty anxified over who was at the baby shower to even think about Alot of anything. Let alone worry about something that wasn't even on the table for discussion as far as I knew at that point. Anyways, my hubby said, hunny.....don't worry, my sis and I were talking about it when we were smoking and (the lady) was out there and possably heard it. And she would find it easier to blame you so my parents would look down on you and it might make her daughter look better. I accepted all this and am leaving it alone, due to the fact that only GOD can judge me, and I know I wouldn't have discussed this certain situation with this certain person anyways. The reason I am babbeling is because I used to be the one to tell everyone anything all the time. I am now the opposite, other than sometimes true statements come out when they shouldn't but its only because I hate liers. I am no longer the gossiping queen I used to be, and I am completley honest with people even when it makes me look bad, just because in the end I have learned the truth will set you free. Whatever the case was, I am ok now and am praying that all goes well in my mother in laws situation as to hope my hubby or I would not ruffle feathers in such a fragile thing anyways. We honestly love his daughter and would do anything to have her a part of our disfunctional blended family, even if that means just visits when we can get them in, so I would never jepordize anything to do with her. See how easy it is for people to blame the people they know least about just because its EASY!!!!!! Honesty is a hard thing to practice for some people but I know if there is one thing I am its honest....sometimes to honest but it all works out in the end. I love all my family that I am blessed with and even some of the non family members I am not so blessed to have invovled in my life. Love is hard for me not to do. Isn't it suppose to be unconditional???